I am probably a bad person for this… or at least perpetually awkward.
So last night I was staying at a motel out near the beach. I didn’t arrive there until about 11 in the night, and I decided to just throw my few belongings at the foot of the bed and just veg out watching AFV on tv and surfing the web. Finally my eyes started giving out and I decided that maybe I should hit the sack (this was about 12:30). For a few reasons I wasn’t sleeping well, and I was waking up on 15 minute intervals. The room was hot, kind of musty, and I desperately needed something to drink.
I decided that since I wasn’t sleeping well, I should have a little bit of an adventure. So I finally decided to get up out of the bed at about 2 to turn on the air conditioner and get something to drink. Fixing the settings of the air conditioner was a bit of a trial considering that I was feeling too stubborn to actually turn the light on to see what I was doing. But the real fun didn’t start till I went drink machine hunting.
I mentioned that I was a bit stubborn and wouldn’t even exert the energy to turn on the light in my room, so it can be assumed that I didn’t have enough energy to put my pants on either. Not that my pants were that much of a hassle, I had to rummage through them regardless since my wallet was still stuffed in the back pocket, I’m glad I didn’t, or else the night wouldn’t have been as interesting. The only cash I had left in my wallet was a ten and I took that ten, squeezed it between the elastic at the top of my boxers, and embarked on my quest for the holy soda bottle.
--- Oh wait, I forgot, I couldn’t exactly figure out how to keep my door from closing (since my key was in my pants, which I happened to not be wearing), so I found a pencil somewhere in the dark and placed it on the floor so that the door would catch on it and not lock me outside in the hallway stark naked besides my boxers. ---
Anyways… after jamming my door with a #2 pencil, I made my way all the way down the hall to find the drink machine. I didn’t feel awkward about my clotheslessness at all. Walking around in my boxers felt pretty comfortable to me, but apparently the concierge felt a little less comfortable by my decision in dress. When I walked up to the counter, she wasn’t there to assist my quest, so I just stood there and waited for a few minutes, hoping that eventually she would just walk out and magically solve my problems. When she finally did walk out though, she pulled the “deer in the headlights” thing. Like you’re driving down the road at night and you see a deer about to walk out in front of you. The deer trots halfway out into your way and then looks at you all wide eyed and what-not. Even though it perceives that the oncoming traffic is going to annihilate it, it is like the deer has this instinct that demands it to make the situation that much worse by throwing itself into the line of danger… exactly what happened with the concierge. She was probably about 25 years old, this heavier set black lady with intricately woven corn rows. As soon as she walked out, she spotted me and stopped. Eyes wide. And just looked at me. Before getting even a step closer to me, she gave a “can I help you with something sir???” ---can you say AWKWARD EYE CONTACT???---
So I proceeded to reach down in the front of where my pants should have been and slipped out the ten. As soon as I set the ten down on the counter, I realized that what I was about to say was going to be taken far out of context considering my current situation, but my mouth was already forming the words “can you break me some ones out of this?” dang it…
For clarification, I am, nor was I with a prostitute… but on a brighter note, the next morning I found a spot of mold in their bathroom that I swear was the spitting image of Steven Tyler
