♪♫ Musique ♫♪

What kind of music do you like?

Me personally: Tec-funk, alternative, electro, reggae, and R&B (and then pretty much anything I can dance or sing to)

I have this feeling, and I’m sure a lot of people have this feeling too, that music is a definer of human existence.  I mean, think back. In your history class, was there ever a period of history that had no form of music? The ancients used music to tell stories just as we do today. 

There is this constant hunger for music within me.  If it ceased to exist, I believe that I might also disappear into the void.  Most often, I find myself unable to control myself and I just bust out in song, maybe even an occasional dance too.  You very seldom find me without my iPod and earphones, and my earphones are almost always wrapped loosely around my neck (and yes, I have strangled myself on multiple occasions because of this habit, but that will never stop me – until it kills me).  My tunes are just that important to me. 

Lately I have been stuck on this dance phase, mostly in private.  I am definitely not as good of a dancer as I am a singer, but I have been having a bit of fun experimenting with it.  Catching the beat, moving to it, it’s fun. Serious entertainment.  I mean, it just feels right to let loose and just move to the tone.  Ha, mi familia may think that it’s some sort of cruel sin to dance (it may even send my grandmother into a heart attack), but lately I just can’t help it.  It’s a form of expression and I like it.  So why not?

Plus, I used to be the sort of person that shied away from attention. I never liked the looks and the possibility of rejection, but now I guess I just care less. Or maybe it’s that I just feel more comfortable.  Regardless of the reason, I’m not that same little kid anymore, I like being in the center of it all.  And what better way to get some attention than from song and dance? I assume that there are very few people on this planet that honestly hate all forms of music, it just has a universal draw.  That is why people flock to clubs, spend on musical devices, have concerts, etc.  We all seem to have a connection to it.  So I’m going to let myself go to the beat and see where it takes me.

What’s practical? What’s logical?

  What the Hell? Who cares?

Stupid Survey, But to be Honest, Thanks

1) This is seriously going to get personal, you ready? When am I not?

2) If you were caught cheating, would you fess up? Would I have a choice? I mean, I did just get caught..

3) The last time you felt honestly broken? In the car on the way home today.

4) Are you craving something? Oh yes, glad you didn’t specify what it was I wanted though haha

5) If you could have one thing right now what would it be? Oh shiznits… I’m going to blanket that one with “some fun”.

6) Would you rather have ten kids, or none? None, kids are an upkeep I can’t afford presently

7) What do you hear right now? “Like a G6” & “I need to wash my hands now”..

8) Is your bed against more than one of your walls? Nada, only one

9) What’s on your mind right now? A girl

10) Are you there for your friends? I honestly try to be, I can only hope that they see it that way.

11) Last person to see you cry? Not sure, I don’t cry in front of people. I like to keep those few moments private.

12) What do you do when you get nervous? I get the munchies

13) Be honest, do you like people in general? I’m certainly not an introvert.

14) How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? Either 21 (oops) or 31 (yay).

15) Does anyone completely understand you? Yes, one person

16) Do you have a reason to smile right now? Yes, because of the previous question

17) Has anyone told you they don’t ever wanna lose you? Yes, but they lost me anyways.

18) Would you be happier if life had a rewind button? No, I would be frustrated, because I know that no matter how you cut it, it will never be perfect.

19) Do you tell your mum or dad everything? BAHAHAHAHAHA… you made it funny

20) Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes? I’d rather not see another person on their death bed because of those sticks of death.

21) Are you going to get hurt anytime soon by someone? I assume yes

22) This time last year, can you remember who you liked? Same person I like right now.

23) Do you think more about the past, present, or future? Future, I can’t wait for it.

24) How many hours of sleep do you get a night? Ha, 2 sometimes, 12 sometimes.

25) Are you easy to get along with? I try to be relatively easygoing, but that something you should ask to my friends.

26) Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? No, bug is pretty great.

27) What was the last drink that you put in your mouth? The sparkly stuff

28) What size bed do you have? QUEEN & I FRIGGIN LOVE IT

29) Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in? Before.

30) Do you like the rain? I love the rain, it is the sustainer; but I like the sun much more.

31) Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Maybe, just maybe.

32) Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do? Table Dance

33) Would people refer to you as a goodie goodie, bad news, or neither? If they didn’t really know me: goodie goodie. If they do: then there is a good possibility for bad news.

34) Who were you last in the car with, besides family? group partner

35) What’s the last movie you saw in theaters and with who? I Am Number Four. Nova, Cave of Wonders, Gavywavykins, & Arie.

36) Have you ever kissed someone who had a boyfriend/ girlfriend? …yes

37) Have you ever been hurt by someone you never thought would hurt you? Oh yes

38) Your parents are out of town. Would you throw a massive party? In the summer yes. Now, no.

39) Do you regret a past relationship? There was that one. But I would be a TOTALLY different person now if they never happened.

40) Would you rather spend a Friday night at a concert or a crazy party? Why not both?

41) Do you tend to fall for the same type of person over and over? Nope, I have had a wide scope.

42) Have you made a joke about somebody that made them cry? Yes, but I completely forgot that she was a cutter… It wasn’t intentional o_O

43) Do you care too much about your appearance? Um… I have flaws, but I’m definitely pleased.

44) Are you a jealous person? No, I try to keep the peace when I can.

45) Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? Nope, but apparently pops thinks I’m Goodwill, the 80’s clothes just keep rolling in.

46) Do you miss anyone? Yes, and yet they are so close.

47) Last person who made you cry? myself

48) Does your ex piss you off? The last revelation I had about them really REALLY did.

49) What are you doing tomorrow? Maybe not going to class?

50) Are you the type of person who has a new boyfriend/ girlfriend every week? Pssshhhhtttt, hellz to the no.

51) Is there anyone you want to come see you? 2, my older sister & her.

52) Have you ever been cheated on? Yes.

53) Ever given your all to someone who walked away? No, I don’t think I could ever “give my all”.

54) Do you like cotton candy? NOM NOM NOM… yes

55) Who was the last person you had a serious conversation with? My most trusted confidant.

56) Are you planning to get knocked up or knock someone up by age 17? Well, that isn’t the plan, but who knows what’s going to happen at University… jk, jk… I think.

57) Do you have siblings? Sometimes I pretend I don’t. ha

58) Have you ever fallen asleep on someone? Quite a few times.

59) How has the past week been for you? Not good, good, then not good, then scary, then decent.

60) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? A few.

61) What’s on your mind right now? Well, you have asked so many questions that have made me 62) think of her, that obviously she’s on my mind now, dang-nabit!

63) What were you doing at midnight last night? Um, no one! Nothing! Nada! Nothing at all!

64) What is your current mood? longing

65) Who was the first person you talked to today? Bootsie

66) Will this week be a good one? I think it will, but I’m not one to deal in absolutes.

67) Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy? Oh yeah, but it probably shouldn’t have.

68) Who were you with last night? Are you trying to implicate me or something?

69) Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? yuppers

70) Next time you will kiss someone? ;) I like to be more spontaneous than that.

71) Who should start the kiss, the girl or the boy? Whoever wants it. I’m not uptight about that stuff at all.

72) Do you have any plans for the weekend? I thinks so… but I forgot, oops

Everything’s Illegal & Nothing’s Forbidden

Have you ever wanted something so terribly bad, but not wanted anyone to know that you wanted it oh so terribly?  You know, that feeling that even though ‘it’s’ great, not everybody should know about the fact that you enjoy it because of its possible inappropriateness.

Yep, I have that feeling right now.

& oops… maybe I shouldn’t be blogging about it, but too late.

I was watching the premiere of The Real World: Las Vegas last night and was entranced by its ridiculous hilariousness (just like every other season).  Every year there are specific types of people cast into the show.  I have sort of picked up on the fact that basically all of the participants are over 21 (gee… I wonder why?).  The rest breaks down like this-à there is always a:

·         Player

·         Bisexual

·         Southern bumpkin

·         High moral religious

·         Present/ex stripper/ho/pimp/etc.

·         Jock

·         Person in an ongoing relationship

Shockingly, there was a person who fell into each of those categories this year as well!

-who woulda thunk it?!-  

Then this funny thought popped up into my mind – what if I was on this show? – Even now, I’m looking up at the list I just described and wondering what I would be in a situation like The Real World.  I know I want to do some fun things in college (some of you all already know what I mean by that;) but how would I turn out in an environment with intense drinking, heavy partying, and quite crazy antics surrounding my every move?

My first guess would be that I would go in as a high moral religious kind of person.  But… would I really? Lately, me and my friends have been sort of  ‘crazy’. Some of these retardedly fun actions include:

·         Enormously large marsh mellow fights where the main goal is to smear as much white fluffing onto the opponent

·         Table dancing to random music that some people most usually don’t even regular dance to

·         Etc… (I need to keep this G-rated)

So if I’m only as old as I am now, how am I going to handle something like that? Like college? Am I going to be the good little Angel I had been for so long? Or further delve into the depths of craziness? Guess I’m going to have to find out soon eough.

Shame On Me

~Forward :: This is not about the 'Ex'~

Why was I so stupid?

Maybe I thought that you might be okay after a few days apart?

Haha, that’s a joke.

Just like a shattered vase, left broken on the floor.

Even after the pieces are put back together, it’s never going to look the same.

And unlike a broken bone, its integrity is forever complicated.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

You slammed the door in my face,

I reopened it,

You just slammed it again.

Think of me in the depths of your despair,
Make a home down there as mine sure won't be shared,

Turn my sorrow into treasured gold,
You'll pay me back in kind and reap just what you've sown

Welcome To Your World

I’m thinking…

And thinking…

And still thinking…

Why does everything seem to go wrong all at the same time? Can you tell me that?

Every single little thing…

The toaster oven won’t heat

The washing machine won’t drain

My socks are stained pink

The dishes aren’t clean

The piano isn’t tuned

My foot is bleeding

Stupid paper cut on my knuckle

But then there are the slightly more intense things that get you. 

What am I gonna do about school?

How am I gonna pay for school?

Cant I just graduate already?

Will they ever stop fighting?

Did they really just give me the evil glare?

Are they really flirting with me?

Stupid freaking car.

Oh fun….. funfunfun….

So freaking ominous. Like it’s gonna reach up and swallow me/you/us/everyone whole .

Awake the Dream: Part 4

As I ripped through my closet, slinging clothes behind me toward my bed, I tried to settle my mind and think logically.

I knew a few things:

1.) There were soldiers in town,

2.) these soldiers had killed at least one person, that I was 100 percent sure of, whom hadn’t appeared to do anything antagonistic,

3.) and that I didn’t feel safe in the least here in my own house.

And there were a few things that I wasn’t sure of:

1.) I may or may not have lost three of my best friends, friends who I had survived through so much with,

2.) there could very well be more soldiers on their way toward our general direction,

3.) and I had no idea where my family was going to go now.

Then I caught hold of something, a blanket.  I slowed down for a moment and pulled it out from my closet shelf.  When I tugged at the end of it, it unfolded in sections, the end falling down onto the floor.  I pulled it close and wrapped my shoulders in its touch.  It was a Hispanic styled cloth, with alternating yellow, orange, and red patterns.  A mixture of triangles and squares.  It was the same temperature as any other object, but it sent a wave of warmth over me in this time of fear.  It covered me, like a savior from all of this confusion that was threatening to engulf me. 

I sat in its encompassment and let myself remember.  This was the blanket my mother gave to me on my eighteenth birthday.  A little more than four and a half years had passed since, and I had forgotten all about it and the events surrounding it.  I had come home for the week to spend some time with my family and friends here at home, even though I was missing my Thursday and Friday classes at University.  I was already asleep, but my mother came into my room the night of my birthday and placed a plastic bag on the foot of my bed.  I remember making some sort of grunting noise as I rolled over in bed to face her.  I was kind of irritated that she woke me up so late, but once I saw the bag and realized that it must have some sort of present in it, that annoyed feeling disappeared. 

She simply said, “here’s something for your birthday. Good night”, before turning off the light and walking out into the hall.  I felt my way through the darkness down my covers until I heard the crinkle of the plastic.  Blindly, I reached into the bag and felt soft fabric against my finger tips.  It felt extremely supple and silky in my grasp.  I drug the contents of the bag out and felt around the cloth’s edges till I reach the tags, which I quickly yanked off and dropped in my bedside trashcan. 

Even though I couldn’t see it yet, I knew it must look as good as it felt.  Then I pulled it up around me and fell asleep with it wrapped around my body.  It wasn’t until the next morning till I matched the colors and designs to the texture I had fallen asleep with.  With the light of the morning pouring into my room I lifted the blanket up to see it’s crisscrossing designs of geometric shapes and interwoven colors, from golden amber to crimson red.  It shimmered like fire when it moved in my grip. The colors dancing like flame in-between shadow and morning light. 

The sound of a car’s tires rushing against gravel shook me from my revelry back into the here and now.

I jumped up from the hardwood floor and placed the blanket on the foot of my bed.  I walked over to the window and looked out across my lawn.  My heart stopped.  There was a gray and black camouflaged military vehicle driving up the street.  I jumped to the first and most painful conclusion I could imagine: they missed me in town, so they are coming to finish me off.

I ran out into the hallway, I hadn’t even taken twenty steps and I felt like I was going to hyperventilate.  I don’t wanna freaking die, not now.  “Sydney!” I yelled, “Sydney! Dad!”

“What?” my dad answered.

“Let’s go now!”

“Me and your sister haven’t even started packing”. Dad stepped out of his bedroom at the opposite end of the hall.

“Grab some clothes and let’s go please. We just need to get out of here now!” I walked to the kitchen and while standing by the marble island countertop. From there, I could see out the front window a pair of soldiers armed with some sizable guns get out of the vehicle begin heading to the house diagonal across the street from ours.  My eyes were open so wide it felt like my eyelids were going to rip at the corners.  Then a door creaked open, the sudden sound nearly making me scream. 

But then Sydney stepped in from the back door with a plate of food, “What?”

“Damn it! I thought you were one of those friggin soldiers!”

“What are you talking about?”

“Just go get some of your clothes packed”.  Realizing that something was intensely amiss, Sydney stopped questioning and began towards her room, setting the plate down on the counter.  I went back to my room and grabbed up the blanket and stuffed it into the top of my duffle bag.  I was trying to get it zipped as quickly as I could but I had stuffed too much in the bag and the blanket continually got caught in the lining of the zipper. My hands were shaking too much for me to properly close the bag either.

I heard a knock at one of the doors. “I’ll get it” Sydney said, I could hear her quick footsteps out of her bedroom. 

“No Sydney! Stop!” I dropped the bag onto the floor and tried to catch her before she rounded the corner to the door.

            But it was too late. Movies show intense moments like this in slow motion, but this wasn’t like that at all.  It was going so fast, too fast, and I couldn’t stop it.  I heard the door handle turn, the click, then the sound of suction as the door pulled open.  And then the gunshot cut through everything else.

My eyes opened. My heart racing.